21st birthday + bad month

when i reached Butterworth bus station. the Bus station in Butterworth was finished renovated already. become more clean and safe already. last time the bust station was so dangerous.

i went to Penang by Ferry....

Sunday morning we go and play paintball with his friend in permatang tinggi if not mistake. got one ask him.

the guy: " this is the girl you talking about in facebook?" (then my bf suddenly quite and look at the guy. )

my bf: "what girl? she is my girlfriend." ( look angry)

the guy:" you dint intro to me early how i know who is her."

OK! i found out he got Facebook, he is hiding from me and talking other girl in Facebook with his friend. i was thinking sure is something bad to me. i just act nothing and smile to him. in that short moment i was thinking a lot of thing. a lot! but i can do it finally. i din;t have a big fight for that. if last time i know something was wrong sure we will have a very huge fight and arguing there. but this time i was very calming and dint even mention about it.


Sunday night we have dinner in The Ship Batu Ferringgi. so nice~~~we together for 6 years, this year finally have a proper celebration for my birthday. i get a present from him.it is a perfume from D&G. ^!^ afternoon we go Ayer Hitam near the temple have a very nice Laksa.so we go there have some Laksa and Ais kacang. hmmm~~~ the Laksa is delicious. the Ais kacang also the same. yummy yummy~~~

Yesterday night, i was having quite serious gastric so i went to clinic and consult doctor. after the doctor having a scanning on my stomach and he scan my uterus too. while scanning doctor will explain this is what and that, this is pancreas and kidney and so on. Suddenly doctor keep quite and scan my uterus again and again. i ask what happen to my uterus there. doctor said he saw a cyst outside my uterus and near to my ovary. after that doctor ask me whether i married d, i answer haven. then he said maybe i am pregnant already. oh my god!!! that time i was...... freak out!!! doctor said not sure. after having a pregnancy test then the doctor said dint pregnant and confirm that have a cyst there. doctor ask me to go other hospital and double check again and he said need to have operation already. i hate!!!! i edi got a big appendicitis scar now got other scar is waitting me already.F!!!! sad :.-(

haiz~~~ this month happen quite a lot of thing on me. all is bad thing for me. i get cheated, now gastric and need to operation for the cyst near my ovary some more. sigh!!!! this is bad month for me. In one month can happen such a lot of thing. i was worried what if i cant give birth anymore. hmm~~~ i ask the doctor then the doctor said if really need to cut out the ovary still have 1 more ovary wert. hmm~~~ oh my god! i wish no any side effect happen on me. if i can't give birth anymore sure no one will married me already. is ok! that time i can fully concentrate on my career d.

he is going to buy a house in Penang. he already ask me where i like to stay and how the house will be look like. is a very sweet thing for me. but........he let me felt that he already plan everything for me. my career after my study, my life. i does not like it. i does not felt like want to move to Penang after my graduate. i felt like either stay and work in kl a few years or go UK to further my study. after he get my answer he felt very unhappy.

i felt like he is trying to let me know, he is going to propose to me and marry me.maybe not now. maybe after 2 or 3 years. oh my god!!!! he indirectly ask me will i marry him, i dint answer him then he keep on asking me that question and how many baby will have after married and a lot of about the married life. oh my gosh!!!! after he ask me i just keep avoid of this topic. after i answered his question, he very upset and i am felt hurt and guilty to make him not happy and cant make his wish come true. i just honest to him and try to let him know that is not the right time and i haven prepared for all this thing. i haven prepared for this!! i really don't want too early to get married and having baby. this is not the right time. i felt like he is going to engage with me. oh my god. even an engagement i also will reject. for me engagement and marry also the same thing. if really after 10 years i just get married that mean we need to couple for 16 years just can get married. if i still with the same guy. hmm^^ to be honest, he is the perfect guy to marry and is a family man. we still have a lot of problem exist and still haven solve. besides that, i seriously haven prepared for this yet. i am very confuse, blur~!!! actually it is bothering me a lot. i need to care about what he feel after i dint agree, i don't want he feel sad and feel heart break on me.