Today I should be join my friend to Seremban and enjoy the realm of nature and waterfall in somewhere else but the end i cant make it because something was happen on me so i cant join them. It is to be regretted!
Yesterday, I was make a very hard decision. i hurt him so much and in depth. i am felt sore, i felt agony,i felt affliction! i make him painful, when i know he was suffering, i am also felt that pain. now i notice that i am not really understand how to become a nice girl friend who can give him happiness. now i notice that i do nothing for him. i dint give him any surprise, i dint give him my support, i hurt him all the way. i am really such a trashiness person. tonight he send me a message" lao po gd9" i felt the sore inside my heart on that moment i read the message. i felt guilty, i felt hurt, i felt sorry to him. that feel was torturing me. now i realize that i never sacrifice for him. i done a very small thing for him only. not a big deal compare to others. i so emptiness and ignorance!
Hui Yuan call me for dinner today. we have a very nice chat for a few hours. hmm... i felt like want to do some volunteer services after i am stable in Malaysia. i want to help and save the world, peoples and animals.It's really a lot of thing i never do and try before. i never see or meet a very pitiful person such as their parent abandon their child when they found out their child is abnormal or special. just now Hui Yuan told me what her saw before because she became volunteer from St John before. she told me a lot of type of people at that place. they was so wretchedness... Hui yuan told me that some of the children was lock out in a cage, they treat them like an animal. they even cant go out and have a shower, the peoples there just use the pipe water to rinse or shower them only. oh my god! you know why they do like that? i heard from what Hui yuan said it is because the children will hurt peoples once they come out from the coop. oh my god! children got so dangerous? why they will become like that?
life is always like that. some of them is not lucky like what we have now. i should appreciate what i have now and what god give to me. i am so lucky that i got a very lovely family and friends. suddenly i felt like got a lot of thing i need to contribute for those people who more needed. i need to take out my gut to do something that i want to do. don't give up easily.
12:00am 15th june 09
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