feeling

Sometimes I felt myself so hard to survive in this world, I hate myself why don't appreciate and happy with what I have from the beginning till now~ that so simple that I ask for all this while is only HAPPY ...
This is what I want all this times but someone can't give me ~

Sometimes what I want from others is more than from what I can expect.
No matter how hard someone try to make it happy if that person don't have that feeling mean it won't be have that feeling ~If that person have that kind of feeling even a small thing you did to them, they will feel so happy for that small thing you did.

I have no idea what wrong with me this few weeks he just keep appear in my mind no matter where I went and what I did.

Sometimes I really won't realise that all this while, from what I request is it too much or such a simple thing that I wish to make my life be more happier but someone just can be treat it as hard to commit on it.

I miss so much with that moment when we together but I knew it can't go back to the past or live like last time...and I shouldn't do that too.
When I flip over the album that belong to us~ =..) It just make me even miss that moment when we are together =..)

I just hide my feeling so hard all this while. :.../
Why must I have to do such a stupid thing =../
I want to scream it out loud that I just miss you so much!!!!!

I miss the routines that belongs to us: message end with something, when sleeping, when eating, when drinking, when at home, when ......... *secret*
 it's turning out to become part of my habits in my life.
 and now I have to rearrange everything in my life again.
I don't dare to go back my home cause this time is a little bit different from last time.
so I was trying to avoid the memories/routine come and haunted me again. =.../ (cry it out loud)

but please I know myself have to fade and trying to hard to bleach everything that we been through before~
when I think of how you treat me (bad or good), my eyes just can't stop to shed tears.

What happen now it was happened so there is no U turn for it anymore.
What I can do is to keep it as the sweetest memories forever or just erase everything in my mind and replace a new hard disk.

p/s: I seriously need to hide everything about you from my sight now~ I will try my best to hide everything belongs to you since you have your own new life with your new love one~ so it's the times I should let go and move on. I knew I shouldn't freeze the times at the past. (=.../

*I just can't stop missing you*